you see it on the news and you hear stories from friends and relatives.
you know it's extremely common,
but after a while, you start to take ur own safety and wellbeing for granted
or you might think
"hey, wat r the chances..."
then when it actually happens to you
the first thing that comes to your mind is
"f***, this is NOT happening to me... can't believe this is happening to me"

i was mugged the other day.
right outside my front door
i knew they were ready to hurt me
and when they threatened to stab me
i went completely pale.
it's been in the news too often
you know these kids aren't bluffing when they threaten you
they would just do it because they think they are the king of the world
also they've got nothing to lose.
no matter how big or skilled in self defence you think you are and all that
you just turn into a mouse
you want to just curl up on the floor and whimper,
"please don't hurt me"

it's pathetic...
you know it's pathetic to let these teens have their way
but you just don't care at that moment
i don't know what's the smart thing to do
all you have in ur head is one simple rule that you pray still applies
"I do what you tell me to, you won't hurt me"
it's pathetic and degrading

there's nothing worse than letting a thief run away just like that.
they took your stuff and scamper away
you didn't even try to stop them
cuz you can't
you just stand on the road frozen
then you start to shake and shiver
trying to recollect what just happened a minute ago
or why did it happen.

suprisingly,
it takes longer than a while for you to go through it in your head logically
basically you would conclude
2 teenagers came up to you
grabbed you
punched you
threatened you
then demanded your stuff
not only did you gave up your valuables
you gave it to them willingly
just so they would go away
and they did,
into the dark
effortlessly.
and you just let them go
w-t-f...

for the past 2 days
a lot of things are going though my mind.
why did i let them go like that?
was there anything i could have done differently?
i felt like an absolute wimp
but was that the smart thing to do?
how did i let them do this to me?
i don't think "traumatise" is the correct word to describe how i feel
now i just feel... weak, defenceless and vunerable
and it's a miserable feeling.
in the past i would willingly send girls home at night
take the short cut back home
or walk in the dark as if everything is normal.
now, i look at myself
i fear the dark now
i can't even walk alone myself without grabbing hold of my pocket or something
absolute insecurity
and all because of what?
because of a bunch of uncontrollable kids
kids that have nothing to lose and nothing to fear
and i just let them go.

i know sooner or later i know i have to get over this
because i know i'll have to walk down that same road alone again
but still
i can't help developing this inner hatred towards them
all of them
unbelievable
they turned me into a wimp.
it's not easy to swallow that.
not for me
definetly not.

when you tell this story to people
some would give you the sympathetic pat on the back
others would go
why didn't you do this
you should've done that
why did you did that
you could've just done this
but let me tell you
through my first hand experience
at that moment
it's not about instincts
it's not about being smart
or how many self defence lessons you've taken
cuz at that moment, it all doesn't matter anymore
there's no such thing is being a hero
you become helpless.
and trust me
once it happens to you
it's not something you can get over with in a short time.

the government tells us to beware of these people
but what does the government do to control them?
our London mayor has taken a stance
and that is
"do not, in any circumstance, confront or react to them"
in other words, we should fear them.
is there no wonder why they are being more and more reckless?
now
it could happen to anyone
anywhere
at anytime, even at broad daylight
the govenment isn't doing much
and the police is as useless as always
so now what?

all we can do is
not to take our safety for granted.
to all you readers
take care of yourself.